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Asteroids, the movie

July 2nd, 2009 (Visited 2969 times) Tags:

Apparently, Candyland, Battleship, and Asteroids were optioned for movies. To my surprise, everyone focuses on Asteroids. “How can they make a movie of that??” People keep saying this but they’re wrong!

A motley crowd of ethnically diverse people thrown together by circumstance are traveling in a hermetically sealed spaceship with an incredibly valuable cargo. Inside it is dark, and sweaty, and clangy. The cargo must reach Earth before everyone there dies of the mysterious alien plague. The clock is ticking. Then — SABOTAGE! The ship falls out of hyperspace in the midst of a huge asteroid field, full of giant tumbling mountains, with deep dark crevices and deadly pockets of methane gas that spout forth in majestic geysers. They must jet and shoot to stay alive, and find fuel to get them back out. The ominous alien ships are circling, just waiting for them to make a mistake, and unbeknowst to them, one of the crew on board is a traitor to the human race…

Battleship, now, that movie will suck.

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Max Battcher said on July 3rd, 2009 at 12:40 am:

To me the biggest WTF about Asteroids is not the question of plot (I agree, easy enough) but that apparently 4 (!) studios were in a bidding war for the adaptation rights. It’s not like the game has that much of a brand. Plus, it certainly wasn’t that they were trying to get name rights: Asteroids is a boring old English word that anyone can use, rather than a strong trademark like Galaga or Q*bert (now that would be an interesting movie). I really am curious what sort of content IP the studios think they get from the Asteroids videogame “franchise”.

I think Battleship is easy enough, just grab one of Tom Clancy’s more naval epics (or onef from any of his clones/his ghostwriters/similar writers) and add lots of explosions. Possibly you could just cut all of the plot and (attempted) drama from Pearl Harbor and call it Battleship and people would have one watching it.

Candyland, however, I think will most likely suck. You either have a too sugary Willy Wonka without Roald Dahl or a Care Bear adventure without Care Bears. To do it justice I would think that it would need to be an abstract Kandinski-esque surreal painting made film. Or maybe just a brightly lit and very colorful horror film in the vein of Westworld. I doubt Hasbro/Universal would put such risk into a Candyland adaptation, however.

Ryan Henson Creighton said on July 3rd, 2009 at 5:12 am:

Didn’t they already make Asteroids? Wasn’t it called Armageddon? And didn’t it already completely suck?

Sebastian said on July 3rd, 2009 at 7:26 am:

Xenon The Movie would be amazing…

Or ROGUE! …

Raphael Aleixo said on July 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm:

I reminded of this trailers, when I saw that headline:
Have you seen them?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWL6j0SvqV0

Silent Ellipsis said on July 3rd, 2009 at 1:04 pm:

@Max Battcher: Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what my response was. In order to make a movie out of asteroids, you basically have to come up with a completely original movie anyway and then just stick the word “Asteroids” on it, so it’s not clear what you get out of buying the IP. I assume they’re actually hoping for the kind of response you’re describing, so that people will go see it out of curiosity, to see how they managed to make a movie out of it.

Peter S. said on July 3rd, 2009 at 2:45 pm:

Hey, after the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, I’m willing to give some benefit of the doubt to Candyland. It’s not like the original theme park ride told a story.

Then again, after the sequels… and lest we forget, the other ride-turned-movie movies like Haunted Mansion…

But yeah, I agree with Ryan completely, and ditto for Battleship in that I for some reason envision a chop together of a good eight or ten other ship-at-sea movies just like how long-running sitcoms eventually do the cut-together-from-older-episodes episode. Or the dullest, most unembellished documentary about warships ever made.

ReleeSquirrel said on July 3rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm:

I don’t know, considering what they did to Wing Commander I’m pretty sure they can make a decent Asteroids movie.

Personally I’m most interested in Candyland, because I’m weird like that.

Jeff Weinstein said on July 3rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm:

How about “American McGee’s Candyland”?

Matthew said on July 4th, 2009 at 12:17 am:

If they make a Candyland movie, the have to market it: “Candyland: It’s In The Cards.”

Pastor said on July 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm:

The “BoardGame” movie that would NOT suck???

Stratego

Eolirin said on July 4th, 2009 at 10:42 pm:

@ReleeSquirrel, Wing Commander always had a plot, and more than that it had a relatively deep universe to it too. There’s actually something to play with there. I mean, there were even multiple novels released years before the movie. :p

But Asteroids? Battleship? I mean, what’s next? Space Invaders? Pac-man? Pong?

Michael Chui said on July 4th, 2009 at 11:39 pm:

They already did Space Invaders. *checks the time* It was called Independence Day.

Michael Chui said on July 4th, 2009 at 11:40 pm:

Bah.

</rimshot>

Kerri Knight said on July 5th, 2009 at 9:51 am:

I think the gist of what I’m seeing here is “please don’t let Michael Bay direct it” :9.

Eolirin said on July 5th, 2009 at 11:32 am:

Nah, Independence Day never involved shooting down the aliens as they came at you in waves! ;p That was more or less a blatant War of the Worlds ripoff.

Eolirin said on July 5th, 2009 at 11:37 am:

Though, come to think of it, The Last Starfighter probably is Space Invaders.

Yukon Sam said on July 6th, 2009 at 7:16 am:

Synergy, baby. The Transformers movies prove you can turn a nice profit by latching onto the childhood memories of people with disposible income and employing the newfangled Hollywood expedient of trying not to suck. Arguably the latest batch of superhero movies follow the same recipe; grab a property that people remember with fondness, and treat it with some degree of respect and a real budget.

An arcade game or board game might have a better chance to turn out well, IMO, because there’s not as much baggage to trip up the screenwriter (not mentioning any names, Logan). ‘Asteroids: The Movie’ could be the storyline Raph set out, or it could be a space western with grizzled belt miners fighting off alien claim jumpers. You’ve got more room to create and no continuity to preserve.

Derek Licciardi said on July 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am:

I’ve always considered existing IPs to be something of a hinderance to creativity but then again, I’m looking at them as they have shackled the MMO industry. This said, I tend to agree with the senitment that the Asteroids IP is about as flexible as they come. By buying the IP rights, what little of it there is, you’re essentially getting a built in base audience that will see the movie. The IP is completely open ended because there wasn’t much plot to the game to begin with so you’re almost getting the best of both worlds.

Create a good movie and new viewers won’t make the connection to the old game or care for that matter. Create a good movie and those that do remember the game will likely be an easier sell to get them in the theater seats. The question I have is this: What’s the video game tie in for this movie? Is it the old game or some new advanced 3D version of the game? Every movie these days has a video game tie in for the Xbox 360, Wii and PS3 it seems.

Tesh said on July 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm:

It’s also ripe for tons of CG and dumb action, another selling point for a popcorn movie. They can be forgiven the lack of a competent plot, decent acting and good camera work since “it’s just based on a game” and “didn’t those explosions look cool”?

The real question is whether or not they will work Megan Fox in somehow.

Asteroids, the movie

19 Responses to “Asteroids, the movie”

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